Elk Discussions During the Off Season

[WapitiTalk1]

I wonder what the "elk" talk about in the off season. Elk hunters obviously pass the time on the Elknut forums talking about potential hunting areas, shot placement, recommended gear, calling techniques, which pointy metal things are the best, lunch menu on the 5th day of the hunt during the 2014 season, whether one should bone out their harvest, and of course…stories from the previous year.

Here are a few topics of discussion our Wapiti friends may engage in during the off season. Feel free to add any you may have heard of :

1. Montana 6X6 talking to a group of young rag horns and spikes. “Yeah, you’ll be fine if you listen to the older bulls like me and Ralph.” Lesson one….”Only bugle to locate. Once they respond, or you smell them, simply move quickly to the ridge above the draw and watch the show. Some of them two leggers will actually stay in that same draw for an hour bugling excessively trying to call you in”.

2. Arizona 7X7 talking to a group of cows. “I’m not one to brag, but I successfully got within 20 yards of ten different hunters last season before they knew I was in the country. The frosting on the cake was when the guy shot his arrow off the brush into a tree. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I got the heck out of there”.

3. A two year old, bright eyed, Oregon cow talking to the other ladies in the herd on a lazy summer afternoon. “So, you’re saying a long third point on their antlers has a direct correlation to the length of something else”? (sounds of giggling)

4. Montana 6X6 talking to a group of young rag horns and spikes. Lesson two. “More often than not, they’ll give themselves away as hunters. Excessive cow talking, bugling, and brush smashing is a dead giveaway for me. It’s the ones that use their calling sparingly you need to watch out for”.

5. Washington 5X6 talking to his buddy. “Whoa! I know what you mean, those Pacific Crest Trail hikers smell like they’ve been wallowing and palpitating for days”.

6. Colorado bull watching the outdoor channel (I guess they have Direct TV in the high country now). “No stupid..don’t walk over there.. it’s not a real cow, it’s one of those Slip System decoys.. he’s right there.. get away.. It’s a hunter.. HE’S RIGHT BEHIND THAT BIG UMBRELLA! I can’t watch.. turn it off”.

[Swede]

6x6 to his younger brother: "The woods are just not like they used to be. We use to just have to watch out for the crazies on the ground, sneaking around and pretending to be elk in the late summer. Now it can be down right dangerous to get up mid day and go get a drink of water.
There is one little retard that we never had in these woods. He is very determined to shoot one of us, but if you are careful, you can really have some fun and mess with his mind. There are about four trees in our area that he will sit for a month in. If you keep a sharp eye out you can walk around and peek in and see just where he is at. If he is not at the water hole, where he has his perch, then go in have a good long drink, and for good measure pose for his camera. and wallow all you want. I knocked his camera clean off the tree one time just to be ornery, but it is more fun just to pose. It frustrates the day lights out of him.
Now, if you see him sitting at the water hole in the open timber on the other side of the ridge, stay out at least 100 yards and slowly feed your way past, as he stares and salivates. You can read his face. It drives him crazy. Another trick for real fun is to stay off in the timber, just out of sight and bugle. As soon as that little retard hears me, he pops up. It is a game I play. I call it "Jack in the box".
Just remember to check things out before you get near one of this jerk's perches. Nearly every year someone forgets my warning to look closely before they get close. Ralph and I were best buddies, but he was just not paying attention and you heard what happened to him. So Junior, go out and have fun, harass the nimrod all you like, but Be Careful.
And don't let me forget. There is another rascal hanging around that time of year, that may be even worse. You can play the same games with him, but keep a sharp eye out. Harold and his girls stopped in one morning at Green Springs last August. Harold was showing off a little, and not focusing on what he should have, if you know what I mean. It cost him his life."

[WapitiTalk1]

"I'm not kidding you, I've seen it. They wander around in the spring and pick up our shed antlers. Who does that? It's gotta be some weird fetish. I mean really, what would they think if we snuck around barber shops grabbing globs of their hair. And somebody explain to me what that flashy thing is they set on trails? Talk about annoying!"

[Willie makit]

Overheard in the local meadow : "Anyone got a copy of the 2014 regs yet?"

[WapitiTalk1]

A. “Hide head behind tree, stand real still, and hope the hunter doesn’t see you”.
B. “Bark loudly and run away”.
C. “Try to have your way with a sultry cow”.
D. “Grunt loudly and stand in the open”.
E. “Try to have your way with a spike bull”.

Five possible answers for one of the final exam questions during the Spring 2014 “Rut Training/Human Contact 101 Course". The question was: “What is the appropriate course of action when you’ve moved in towards a bugling bull but you can’t see the bull that was calling?” The correct answer is B (a smart, group survival oriented bull will bark loudly to alert all other herd members then hightail it away from an obvious hunter situation). Answer A and D are really, really dumb and incorrect (this is how we lose many young bulls every year). Answer C, although tempting in any rut situation should be avoided at this time. Answer E is a bit suspect and is also, not the correct answer.

[cnelk]

Herd bull talking to the rest of the elk:

'Ok everyone, listen up. Last September, every time I saw a hunter they musta been really nervous.
All they would do when I got close to them was grunt..."

[Willie makit]

Ok, now I find myself wondering if I could tell the difference between a cow bugle the the bull bugle that answered "E" in the Rut training course above.

[WapitiTalk1]

Ok, now I find myself wondering if I could tell the difference between a cow bugle the the bull bugle that answered "E" in the Rut training course above.

Hack, choke... gag.. hack... Dang it Tom....you should have sent me a PM or something before you posted this.. I about blew the water in my mouth out my nose, mouth, and ears onto my screen when I read it.....

[WapitiTalk1]

Spring quarter, "Human Contact 201", Pike's Peak Community Elk College day one discussion (January 31, 2014). Professor Barnabus Bull (PhD in humanology) opens up day one of his class by posing this first quesiton. "Allright, I'm glad to see many of you made it back from the 2013 season"... Tell me, what did you learn last year?

1. "I learned that if something is making elk sounds at you and you can't see the elk, it's probably a hunter". (low glunking of approval from the bulls in the class)

2. "I learned that those hoochie mama calls wouldn't fool at drunk porcupine in a blizzard from 300 yards away". (sounds of chuckling)

3. "I learned that if you throw just a few grunts out at the end of a bugle, 75% of hunters will cross the deepest draw to come and try to find you".

4. "I learned that if you bugle at them around their camp all night, they can't sleep at night and won't do a full day hunt the following day". (sounds of hoove clapping)

5. "I learned that if you talk a bear into screwing with their camp a bit, many of them will leave the next day".

6. "I heard that there is one tree dwelling hunter in Oregon that actually whizzes on bears from trees". (sounds of EEEOOOW, GROSS! from the cows in the class)

[elkmtngear]

Courses offered at the 2014 Spring Elk Expo somewhere in the Rockies:

"Bugling and quick relocation: How to drive a hunter crazy"

"Sneaking up right behind the caller: Entertainment on a lazy afternoon"

"Hottie or decoy, You be the judge"!

"The Silent treatment: How to drive a grown man to tears"

"The Nervous Grunt: Fighting the urge to stop dead in your tracks"

"Maximizing your Mojo after daylight hours: How to resist urges during the day"

"When a bear smells like pee: How to know when Swede is in a nearby tree"

[Willie makit]

Hack, choke... gag.. hack... Dang it Tom....you should have sent me a PM or something before you posted this.. I about blew the water in my mouth out my nose, mouth, and ears onto my screen when I read it.....

Sorry, I just wonder about some of the strangest things sometimes. This has been a killer thread with lots of good information in it. No need to take life and elk hunting too seriously, neither one is permanent.

[Swede]

Mildred the cow to her younger cousin: "I don't get it with these hunters. Late September I heard one saying some very sweet things. I thought it was a new bull on the mountain, so I started his way. I got within about 100 yards and out of the bushes I heard some of the worst trash talk I have ever heard. No decent girl in her right mind would come close to him." "I started to walk away and he tries to tell me he is a COW. That's when I realized it was a hunter. You would think they would clean up their language and know which gender they are before polluting the forest with that kind of talk."

[stringunner]

The Elk to the Bear..."don't look so gloom, getting pee'd on should be the least of your worries!"

[WapitiTalk1]

"Uncle Frank, tell us again what happened last fall in Cyclone Draw with the two New York City hunters! Allright.. one more time, then you two need to bed down. As I said, there was two of em calling, from both sides of the draw, way up on oppossing ridges.. the thermals we're still going down so I answered from deep in the draw, making sure my high note banged on the rock walls on both sides and rose right up to where those two were. I figured they'd come running (they did, bugling all the way down and making some sour sound I guess was supposed to a cow call). So what I did was wait until they were about halfway down, gave a nasty lip bawl bugle with three loud grunts, and beat hooves up the old creek trail to the head of the draw. Your Aunt Clarice and I sat on the open sidehill, just as the sun was starting to warm up our breakfast, and listened to those two bugle back and forth for nearly 20 minutes in the bottom of the draw. Don't hunters know about thermals and wind and how bad they smell Uncle Frank? No boys, I don't think many of them do. So, we heard them busting rocks loose from the shale slides and saw the alder brush swaying back and forth as they crawled through that mess all the way back up either side of the draw. They were gasping and wheezing all the way up and yelling about something real loud. Once they reached their original starting points, I gave another bugle for good measure from the head end of the draw and headed into the next drainage. You know, they started bugling again and coming in our direction. Yep, fun day on the mountain."

[>>>---WW---->]

Sometimes you guys worry me. Have you had your annual mental evaluation yet? Cabin fever can do strange things to a person!

[LckyTylr]

I'll tell ya what kids, if you really want to get 'em frazzled, you need to effectively utilize the cover around the bipeds when they are trying to call you in. First, you start real slow with them. Begin the "frustration sequence" really softly, just some sleepy bugles to let them know you are in the area. They will immediately try to close the distance on you. This is a key point in the frustration game. Immediately after the sleepy bugle, you need to reposition yourself so that you are upwind of a really nasty blowdown area with elderberries. They, thinking they are so smart, will try to position themselves downwind of you. Pretty soon they will try to sweet talk to you with a cow call. So, play their silly game and bugle right back at them excitedly. They will try to cut you off with an aggressive bugle. You should wait a few seconds and then start crashing through the brush and raking trees with your giant antlers. This will elevate ol' Nimrod's heart rate to nearing cardiac arrest . . . which is prime time to scream a nasty insult at him. Now, he will think that he's got you at this point. Remember, you should be Just out of eyesight from him, but close enough that he can hear you glunking at him. This will likely result in him locking up at half-cock. He will have his bow up at eye level, arm half bent, with a little tension on the string . . . just waiting for you to show yourself. So, take your sweet time. You are holding all the cards at this point, just keep dead silent for the most part, occasionally snapping a branch to make him think you are about to come charging in on his "set-up". Drag this out as long as you can . . . this whole process literally drains the life out of a biped and makes it all the harder to get through a winter. Once you have strung him out for as long as you dare, and before you think he gets any ideas of getting "sneaky" and trying to slip in on you, then make your move. Scream at him as loud as you possibly can, knock over a tree, work up a good drool and then charge him. While you are charging, let out another terrorizing bugle with a few war hoop chuckles for good measure. Now, this is when effective terrain utilization comes into play and it's the most important part of the game . . . make sure that you stop about 10 yards from the hunter and precisely behind a 10" or 12" tree directly in front of your chest and neck, you will need to stop while facing the biped head-on with your nose touching the tree. Ideally, your antlers will be sticking out both sides of the tree for the biped to drool over. He will be at full draw at this point, so you need to be careful in the "red zone". Understand that this is a very dangerous game, you will be "kissing the cobra" at this distance, but on the other hand, you can crush the hope and spirit of a biped at this stage of the game. Stand there, slowly wagging your head back and forth showing off your antlers until the "hunter" breaks. Eventually, he won't be able to hold his bow back anymore and he will let down. Victory my friends. All that's left is to bark and tear off through the forrest. Make sure you bark about 50 or 60 times so that all of your buddies know that you won another one. If you really want to throw salt in the wound, hang out for a few seconds after the weak and whimpering "hunter" lets down his bow . . . and bugle at him . . . turn around and walk away . . . showing him only your back side (caution: do NOT do this if the biped has a "twang" in his bugle that would indicate that he's from the South, Texas specifically . . . Larry did that a few years ago . . . and he still doesn't walk right).

[WapitiTalk1]

Sleepy bugle? Bipeds? Don't show backside to someone from the south, Texas (check for heart shaped tattoos)? Priceless and WW asked if I need a mental exam. You sir, just raised the bar

[Indian Summer]

Phantom's wife: "Honey are you sure you're ok in there? You know I worry when I hear giggling coming from the closet. And I don't buy that line "It's Phil from the insurance company" Are you decent, I'm coming in!"

[WapitiTalk1]

Phantom's wife: "Honey are you sure you're ok in there? You know I worry when I hear giggling coming from the closet. And I don't buy that line "It's Phil from the insurance company" Are you decent, I'm coming in!"

Not too far from the truth. "Are you on that website again talking to strangers about elk? It's just plain weird". Umm, no, I'm just looking for something in here and happened to find my cell phone What happens in the closet, stays in the closet

[Willie makit]

"Are you on that website again talking to strangers about elk? It's just plain weird".

Thank goodness I get to do this at work, only the IT guys are sayting that about me.